The following post is adapted from a talk I gave during a recent church meeting. While many themes and comments have religious contexts and ties, I think the overall message can be delivered to people of all belief systems. I hope that through this commentary, the dialogue about various mental health concerns can be spoken of more freely and that facts may be delivered instead of skewed. Please leave a comment if you'd like to have further info, any questions or feel anything I've said is inaccurate.
I have something important that I’d like to talk to
you about today. This is something that
I have been studying a long time, and something very near and dear to me. I’ll admit, it can be a bit heavy, but it is
no less deserving of a captive audience.
I’d like to talk about mental health.
Currently, I am in graduate school, obtaining my
master’s degree in counseling. I've long
been interested in how different life events and circumstances can affect
people. When I get my degree, I’d like
to work specifically with people going through a cancer journey. When dealing with such an affliction as
cancer, there are many difficult and devastating changes and choices that one
is going through. Being a cancer
survivor myself, I've had the opportunity to talk with a lot of people I've met
in the “cancer community” to see how their experiences measured up to
mine.
It is no doubt that many going
through the journey or who, for now, appear to be done with that trial of life,
experience great turmoil and anxiety. Upcoming tests and surgeries, uncertainty
about trial treatments, the loss of friends and family—both through death or an
inability to see a loved one in so much pain; often this turns into a breeding
ground for anxiety and depression.
Now, this is just one example, and perhaps an
extreme one at that. There are a
multitude of mental health disorders and an even greater number of reasons for
people to be experiencing them. As a
society, there are many words and phrases that are tossed around all the time. “That sucks. Now I’m depressed.” “That gives
me tons of anxiety.” “I’m totally OCD about that.” “I love that! I’m totally
addicted.” Well, as a lover of words,
I think we should try to be more understanding of what these terms actually
mean.
Elder
Jeffery R. Holland had a talk with inspired words, titled “Like a Broken
Vessel” from the last LDS General Conference. a Elder Holland tells us that there
is a big difference between feeling down and having Major Depressive
Disorder. And he’s right. Honestly, all of us have had, I’m sure, more
than enough moments in our lives where stuff just sucks. Life lends some hard blows and it’s easy to
let yourself get wrapped up in them for a while as you try to cope. These moments however, are not in and of
themselves considered to be the very real and often debilitating condition of
Major Depression.
As Elder Holland put it, “today I am speaking of
something more serious, of an affliction so severe that it significantly
restricts a person’s ability to function fully, a crater in the mind so deep
that no one can responsibly suggest it would surely go away if those victims
would just square their shoulders and think more positively—though I am a
vigorous advocate of square shoulders and positive thinking! No, this dark night of the mind and spirit is
more than mere discouragement.”
I know most people are very considerate and try to
be compassionate toward those struggling to manage their mental health. However, I've still managed to cringe a time
or two when hearing people explain what they think depression is. (I’m using depression as an example so much
because of its major prevalence in our society.) When asked, “What does a person who has
depression look like?” I've heard a variety of answers, including “they will
just look really sad and have their hands hanging low.” While on occasion this may be true, I hope
you’ll consider the alternative that their countenance looks quite as normal as
your own.
In fact, one in ten adults
suffers from depression. The person
sitting next to you right now could be struggling from these very deep issues. When dealing with depression, there are ups
and downs. A few weeks could go by that make
you feel like all you’re doing is drowning, watching everyone else breathe. Often times, depression and Generalized
Anxiety Disorder go hand in hand. Depression is when you find yourself not really caring about anything at
all. Anxiety is when you’re caring too
much about everything. When you have
both, it’s immensely hard to deal with.
While men and women tend to deal with depression
differently, symptoms usually include: turning to addictions, eating less or more,
sleeping less or more, being irritable and prone to anger, feeling guilty, sad,
helpless, losing interest in hobbies, and yes, there is even the very real
possibility of contemplating, attempting, and following through with
suicide.
As Rollo May b once said,
“depression is the inability to construct a future.” All hope becomes lost.
Now, I don’t want to spend too much time on the
signs and symptoms of these few mental health issues, even though it’s very
important for all to know. I’d like to
shift gears a bit and discuss how we can help one another when going through the very real challenges of
poor mental health.
If you’re experiencing the trials of depression,
anxiety, bipolar disorder, panic disorder, PTSD, or any number of other mood and
personality disorders, know that you’re not alone. For some reason in our culture, it’s almost
taboo to talk about these challenges of mental health. Feeling alone and that no one understands you
is a very common thread through most disorders.
We tend to keep it to ourselves and thus it’s hard to know just how many
people are silently suffering.
Elder Holland said, “If you had appendicitis, God
would expect you to seek a priesthood blessing and get the best
medical care available. So too with emotional disorders. Our Father in Heaven
expects us to use all of the marvelous gifts He has provided in this
glorious dispensation.”
It can be
confusing knowing if you really have a diagnosable mental health issue or if
you’re just stressed or sad. But guess
what? That’s what the experts are there
for. If there is any question in your
mind whether or not something is wrong, go consult with someone.
Before I was diagnosed with cancer, I was just
really sick. I didn't know why. I thought, I’ll get some rest, keep it easy
for a while and then I’ll get better.
After all, I’d never really been sick before. Then it started to get worse and all the Pepto Bismal, Pepcid ac, ibuprofen, and gallons of water in the world couldn't seem to
tackle whatever it was that was going on with me. It wasn't until I sought out someone to
diagnose me that they found out what was really going on.
Elder Holland continues in his talk, “So how do you
best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you
love? Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more
than you can comprehend. As President Monson said … : “That love never changes.
… It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s
love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply
always there.” Never, ever doubt that, and never harden your heart. Faithfully
pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord
into your life. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual
well-being. Ask for and cherish priesthood blessings. Take
the sacrament every week, and hold fast to the perfecting promises of
the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them
come when every other indication would say that hope was lost. Hope
is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or
seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter
cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead.”
I testify that while it is extremely difficult to
continue forward in good faith and maintaining those “time-tested devotional
practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life”, it definitely
helps. Little by little, the fog begins
to clear and with time, the sun will come out again. Every time.
Back in the day, long ago, when I first started
going to singles wards (a congregation of single church members), I met this guy.
He was new to the area and no one really knew him. Being young and impressionable, I found him
to be quite attractive. I started
spending time with him and we actually became pretty good friends. It wasn't until a few months later that he opened up to me and I learned he had schizophrenia. Honestly, at that time, I didn't know a thing
about schizophrenia. I looked some stuff
up and it helped me understand him better. We continued being friends and I helped him
in whatever capacity I could. After a
while, it seemed I was the only person willing to do so. When talking to other people in the ward, I
found no one liked him much. All of the
girls thought he was weird and creepy and the guys just felt awkward. I ended up hearing many things about him that
started making my blood boil. I looked
past this challenge of his and got to see what a great guy he was. He was still a new convert to the church and
honestly needed friends, but really wasn't getting them. I learned that he grew up in a very abusive
home--physically, sexually, mentally--and had become involved in drugs and
alcohol at a young age to cope. It was
heart breaking. However, since getting
help for his schizophrenia and joining the church, he was happier than he’d
ever been in his whole life. I ended up
going off to college and we lost touch, but I still wonder to this day what
happened to him and what could have been different if those in my ward would
have taken the time like I had to get to know him, someone who perhaps seemed a
little different, but was really just wanting to be included like all of us.
Stephen Fry c once said this of depression, (but I
think it can apply to many things, such as schizophrenia) “If you know someone
who’s depressed please never resolve to ask them why. Depression isn't a straightforward response
to a bad situation, it just is, like the weather. Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness
and loneliness they’re going through. Be
there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend
to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best
things you will ever do.”
Someone who is depressed or dealing with anxiety
has the harshest critic of all: themselves.
Their inner dialogue blurs the lines of rational and irrational thinking
and can make them spiral downward into self-loathing. Let us all try to lift that burden just a
little by not judging and reaching out to those who you feel could use some
time away from themselves.
In the October 2001 issue of the Ensign magazine, an article
titled “Easing the Burden of Mental Illness” d gave a list of 9 different ways we
can help those going through a trial of mental health. I’d like to highlight a
few of those points.
“First, we can be a friend. Many people are frightened by mental illness and do not know what to say or how to respond to an individual with such a disorder. It may seem easy to turn away from those who are afflicted and their families, but this only increases their suffering and isolation. Taking time to listen, including them in our activities, being there for them in times of crisis, and treating them as we would want to be treated helps lift their burden and shows our love for them.
Fifth, we can refuse to support the discrimination and stigma often associated with mental illness. We can object to television programs, cartoons, advertisements, and movies that inappropriately portray those suffering from mental illness.
The media have contributed greatly to stigma against the mentally ill, giving wide press coverage to violent acts committed by a small percentage of people with serious disorders, and producing movies and television shows that sensationalize these acts. Consequently it could appear that all people with mental illness are violent—but this is far from the truth. According to the National Mental Health Association, “The vast majority of people with mental illnesses are not violent. In the cases when violence does occur, the incidence typically results from the same reasons as with the general public such as feeling threatened or excessive use of alcohol and/or drugs.”
Sixth, we can help people find the resources they need. LDS Family Services, which can be accessed through one’s bishop, offers support and professional counseling to individuals and families within the context of Latter-day Saint values and, if necessary, makes referrals to hospitals or other treatment centers. Community mental health centers help people find treatment in environments that are less restrictive than hospital settings. Local and national mental health organizations provide education and support and can be located on the Internet or in a local telephone book. Many books and articles also contain useful information and can be found in local libraries or on the Internet, but use discernment to select the best resources.
A seventh suggestion is to understand the emotions people may experience when confronting mental illness, and then to help them deal with their feelings. Experts say that when individuals become ill, they and their family members commonly experience shock and fear at first, then denial, followed by anger, guilt, and grief before they move into understanding. A knowledge of these stages can provide a framework for discussing and empathizing with the feelings involved.
Eighth, we can understand that many forms of treatment can and do help. New medications have been developed in the past 10 years that treat a variety of symptoms, with fewer side effects than older medications. Behavior modification programs can help individuals suffering from depression, panic disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder change their thoughts and reactions and thus decrease the symptoms of their illness.
Ninth, we can recognize and help others understand that mental illnesses are not rare, that “mental illnesses are more common than cancer, diabetes, or heart disease.” Based on statistics from a 1999 U.S. Surgeon General report, a group of 500 people ages 18–54 may include 7 individuals with schizophrenia, 8 with panic disorder, 12 with obsessive-compulsive disorder, 9 with bipolar disorder, 25 with agoraphobia (fear of open, public places), and 33 who will suffer from at least one episode of major depression. If some of these figures seem high, remember that much mental illness is kept hidden because of the stigma against it, and many of the most seriously ill are homeless or clustered in hospitals, prisons, nursing homes, or low-income areas.”
When we as Church members reach out to them with
love, we help keep our covenant to “comfort those that stand in need of
comfort.”
Elder Russell M. Nelson said in his article “Love Thy
Neighbor” in Ensign magazine, Jan. 1987 e, “How sorrowful must a brother or
sister feel when they think they are abandoned, when they think no one cares!
Perhaps it was this feeling that caused the psalmist to write, ‘I looked on my
right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed
me; no man cared for my soul’ (Ps. 142:4).
“The church of our loving Lord cannot function that
way! We all need each other.”
Elder Holland concludes with this thought. “Whatever
your struggle, my brothers and sisters—mental or emotional or physical or
otherwise—do not vote against the preciousness of life by ending it! Trust in
God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and
all shadows of mortality will flee. Though we may feel we are “like a broken
vessel,” as the Psalmist says, we must remember, that vessel is in the
hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken
bones and broken hearts are healed. While God is at work making those repairs,
the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind.”
While often it is
hard for me to truly feel this sentiment and understand it, I know it to be
true. God is there for us and He is helping us continue to fight the good
fight. I know it can be confusing when
you don’t know what Heavenly Father has in store for you and it seems like life
is just one trial after another, but He has a plan, it has been set in motion,
and we can take part of His compassion and love. If you feel you have anything to give, reach
out to others. Be kind, merciful and
nonjudgmental. When struggling with the
ever present chatter of a negative mind, it’s hard to pull away from ourselves
and focus on serving others. But if you’re
able, be that person who reaches out.
It’s extremely comforting knowing that someone else is on your side.
References
