What can I do?

I'm trying to blog at least once a week, and so far it's working! As I'm in graduate school and doing a practicum right now, I think that's a fair amount of "non-school" stuff to handle.

Sleeping is duuuuuuumb!

I've been thinking a lot about how I can help others with depression and anxiety.  As I typically do when devising a plan to serve others, I think first of myself.  Now, I know that sounds super selfish.  It sounds absurd and contradictory!  But what I really mean is that I think of how I would like to be helped and reverse that role.  Obviously not everyone is the same or handles things the same way.  Depression and anxiety is different for each person.  But if I can identify the things that help me, there is a slight chance it can help someone else, too.

Probably the number one thing that I've discovered about myself and my depression/anxiety is that talking is vital for me.  The absolute best thing would be to sit in a quiet place with one person I trust and just dump out all my worries and concerns.  If that's not an option, talking on the phone or on Skype would work almost as well. Next up, facebook messages or texting can work sometimes, too.  If for some reason I can't get in touch with someone to talk, well most of the time this sends me into a bigger downward spiral and it makes things worse.  However, if I am in a little bit more control of myself, just journaling to get out feelings can really help.

Can't wait until I get my degree-and then it's like, instant free therapy!

Talking I've found is quite key.  My anxiety goes down as I stop focusing on myself and my problem(s), and my depression is alleviated a touch as I get reassurance from others and clarify reality.  Some of the best things you can do while talking with someone struggling with depression or anxiety is first asking them to help you understand what they're feeling.  This may be difficult for them, but through the course of it, it will help them feel less alone.  Secondly, believe it or not, telling jokes or enjoying something hilarious can be a great boon.  It may take a while, but laughter has definitely been proven to be the best medicine.  Third, as you continue to talk to your loved one, reassure them that you can handle their feelings.  They need to know they aren't scaring you away by feeling guilty, angry and worthless for such an extended period of time.  But challenge these thoughts they have, what we call "stinkin thinkin", by showing them how they're not a failure, why they shouldn't feel guilty for certain things.  The best thing you can possibly do while talking with your friend and loved one is reminding them that you love them and telling them why.  Tell them all the awesome things about them you love, reminisce about some good times, and keep them going with positivity.  Likely they aren't loving themselves right now, so help them know that it's ok.  They'll get there.  And perhaps for now, you can love them enough for the both of you.  If possible, always end with a hug.  If sincere, this can elevate their mood, as well as yours!

D'awwwww

It doesn't happen often, but I have a few other things that help me "get out of my funk".  First, getting outside in the sunshine!  Getting outside is a big deal.  When I'm down, I would much rather be in bed or on my couch avoiding all signs of life, including my own.  However, just getting outside for a walk gets my body moving and starts to make me feel accomplished that day.  And if I have a friend encouraging me to go for a walk, having that company is a tremendously powerful thing.  Secondly, eating good food is...good.  I love eating crap.  Ok, not literal crap, but really poor quality food.  I am pretty sure I've eaten pizza every single day in the span of one week before.  Pizza is pretty awesome, and you'll never be able to convince me otherwise, but there is such a thing as too much.  As I mentioned in a previous post, with depression, people tend to not eat, or they tend to over eat.  (Most of the time I overeat, hence all the pizza.)  If you have the time, and perhaps culinary ability, making your friend and loved one a nice healthy meal can more than just show them your love for them.  Having healthy food is important to keeping the mind and body in good shape.  Given their mental state, a healthy body can only be an improvement.  And lastly, if you're able to do so in a kind and compassionate way, encourage them to work on self-care.  Showering, hair cuts, piles of laundry, mountains of dishes; these are all ways people tend to stop caring for themselves. They are already thinking they are worthless, so why should they care for themselves?  No one else does.  (We know you do, but to them, right now, their irrational thinking side is manifesting.)  Help them be proactive by offering to do their dishes while they relax in a bath, or give them a pair of extra hands to just lighten the load.  Sort their mail and help declutter the chaos they've manage to create around them.

To put it succinctly, I know what I like and what works for me.  Through trial and error, I can come to find what works for my loved ones, and even acquaintances who I know are struggling, and how best to serve them.

For those wondering...this is what works for me.

I love being able to do service for others.  It's something my mother has taught me by great example.  I definitely can improve, but it's incredibly rewarding for me when I know I've made life easier and happier for someone.  Yeah, sure, it'd be nice if someone came and did my dishes for me, or managed my budget, or vacuumed out my car.  But that's really only going to uplift me for a short time.  Knowing that someone else could use a pick me up helps me search for motivation to get away from myself for a little while and focus on the happiness of others.  I don't know about others, but it's so refreshing, if only for an hour or so, to forget that you feel like miserable scum and relearn how to be happy--by seeing others be happy.

Seriously, though...

Thank You for Speaking Up

After my last post and the talk that it was based off of, I received a lot of positive feedback. I had many people approach me (in public and private) and say how grateful they were for my honesty and openness. Just the fact that I had come out in a very public way to talk about things that are usually swept aside, meant a lot to those struggling or trying to help a loved one.

Not to bring everything back to my cancer diagnosis all the time, but this has been very parallel to my outspoken attitude about cancer, too. (FYI, I'll bring up cancer a lot in this blog. Too easy of a more "concrete" example, it's a huge part of my life, and I want to do cancer counseling.) By being open and honest about the struggle I went through with cancer, I've been able to comfort those going through tests and a possible diagnosis, and also people who just need a confidant during treatment. The cancer community can be a lonely one. It doesn't have to be. We just have to be outspoken and willing to talk.

The same can go for any battle with mental health. The more we are willing to talk to others, the better sense of community we can have and make this struggle not be so lonely. This is a tough thing to do, I understand that. Given the symptoms of many mental health concerns, it's almost a catch-22. However, once I realized that I was the type of person who feels better after just talking about anything, I decided that I would be more vocal about my struggles, be they cancer, anxiety, depression, or even my weight issues.

There is one note I'd like to add to this notion of being vocal. You don't have to give your heart away or bleed on everyone. (Yes, that's a metaphor.)

Unfortunately, I learned this the hard way. When I was feeling so lonely and scared going through cancer treatments, my depression was starting to choke me. It was rough. I started telling anyone who I talked to about all the feelings than ran through my mind. Every insecurity, every worry, I vocalized it to the next set of ears I could find.

Bad idea.

This ended up hurting me. I found that most of the people who I talked to, didn't really listen. They didn't have the time to be concerned about my troubles. They didn't have the understanding to really take what I was saying to heart. Essentially, the energy (what little I had) that I used to tell them about my woes, fell onto deaf ears. This did not deter me from speaking up though. I only learned to change what it was I disclosed to those who weren't ready for what I really felt.

Now, I talk in general terms. I state matter-of-factly that I had cancer, that I have anxiety, that I have depression. I talk about all the warning signs, about the symptoms of each. I talk about what you or those you love can do when presented with one of those difficult trials. I offer up an open set of ears for anyone needing someone to listen. I make myself educated and research resources. This is how I am an advocate and how I speak up.

The more intimate moments of my life's journey are kept for those people in my life who I know are there for me and will help and be concerned for me when I speak up. Yes, I've become a bit guarded, but I think you have to be with the personal details of your life.

Safeguard yourself, but speak up about your struggles. It doesn't have to be scary and I promise, it's really quite cathartic.